Ed’s General Theory and associated guidance pertaining to the efficient and effective deployment of over-trousers in the event of approaching rain.
Context:
Over-trousers are an essential piece of kit for most hill walkers. They are light to carry (made out of thin breathable material) and when worn in heavy rain prevent a soaking and a chill. They are also wind proof, making them a godsend when caught in heavy rain being delivered with a raging wind. So you would think it’s smiles all round – but I am afraid it is not as simple as that.
Wearing over-trousers when it’s not raining is horrible. They stick to your legs and make a disagreeable swishing sound as you walk along – but worse – no matter how breathable, you get very hot and sweaty – yuk!
Over-trousers therefore should only be deployed to deal with heavy or persistent rain.
The Thing:
This still sounds OK – but deployment and un-deployment is not a procedure to be undertaken lightly. It’s true that over-trousers are better than they used to be, with long zips up the outside of each leg, but they are still a bugger to get on – or off.
Firstly you have to sort out front from back. This may seem a minor detail, but get it wrong and you are wearing a large empty belly pouch, where your bum should be and your buttocks are squashed tight behind you. This is not very comfortable, may induce unkind remarks and is not recommended.
The zips are an utter nightmare. However careful you are they jam, and /or leave a gaping hole in their wake. Sometimes the only way to un-jam a zip is to take the over-trousers off and engage the help (tugging power) of your friends, although obviously this is not an option if you are in un-deployment mode.
Over-trouser deployment can therefore be a challenge, even in the comfort of your living room (where it is best to practice the skill before venturing out). On the side of a mountain in a driving wind and fast approaching storm it constitutes a major procedure being undertaken in very adverse conditions. Is there somewhere (dry) to sit so you can pull them on? or must you balance on one leg and step into them, catching the toe of your boot and staggering around, even falling over? Will your cagoule pull easily out of your rucksack and will you remember to deploy the waterproof cover hidden at the bottom of the frame? Moreover, you have to accomplish this fast …….. that rain is coming!!!
Even so, despite the enormous stress, once you are kitted up and the rain hits you can feel the satisfaction of a job well done and that you are now well prepared for the onslaught – even if you then remember that you need a wee.
But what if it doesn’t start raining? Or if it rains half-heartedly for a bit and then stops? You are now encased in very uncomfortable clothing – which you are now going to have to take off, probably jamming the zips and staggering around all over again. Alongside the frustrations and calamities of a procedure you didn’t have to undertake, is the hit to morale – you made the wrong decision and the consequences were pants. I won’t even consider here the impact on psychological stability of repeatedly taking over-trousers on and off in response to successive fronts of light, piddling rain – I don’t think I’m up to writing about that.
But what if you delay, hopeful that the rain will miss you, pass over quickly or be insultingly light and it does none of these things – in fact it hurls a delighted, spiteful deluge at you? Now this really is a pisser! As you feel the rain penetrating your clothing you try and work too fast. Your foot gets stuck in one leg and you put a hand out to stop yourself tilting over – straight into a thorny plant placed there for this very purpose. Cursing you pull on zips, get one leg sorted then jam the other one. You may have to switch focus at this point and try and zip up your cag ………By the time you have bullied all the zips into submission you have a wet sock protruding from one boot and just as you are willing yourself not to succumb to misery you look round to see that you have left the top of your rucksack open ……..
Many walkers have commented on the desirability of ‘easy on, easy off’ (Eoeo in the trade) over-trousers – but they are still waiting to be designed and developed.
Ed’s General Theory:
My friend Ed (who was a supremely rational thinker) developed a General Theory that is a sub category of Sod’s Law – that exactly what you don’t want to happen, will.
In relation to the deployment of over-trousers, Ed’s General Theory holds that if you put over-trousers on it is likely not to rain, or not rain very much – but if you delay putting them on then you are likely to get very wet indeed.
Ed’s Associated Guidance:
Ed took the view that on balance it was always better to avoid it raining and that over-trouser deployment should be used tactically to that end. So if in doubt fool Sod and put the buggers on, accepting that a good result is having to take them off again shortly afterwards.
Whilst this approach clearly makes the best of a poor situation it only slightly reduces the pain associated with over-trouser deployment. However, it is when the guidance is applied to a group situation that things get really interesting.
Ed held that Sod would likely be fooled if only one member of a group of walkers deployed over-trousers in the face of incoming rain. All the group has to do is decide who that will be …………
Guidance in action:
It maybe that some groups can make decisions quickly and with a minimum of fuss – but the group to which Ed and I belonged is not like that. Its MO is to have a full and frank, involving the views of everyone before making a decision – and then there are always reviews …………. This matters little when the group is basking in hot sunshine trying to decide which beach to go to, but is a disastrous approach when rain threatens and someone has to take it for the team!
Now Ed was not one of those theorists who ignored the practical implications of his guidance – he would often lead from the front and move into over-trouser deployment mode as the group was just starting its discussion about the likelihood of a deluge and the need for action. I think this selfless approach must run in his family as his youngest son once spent the best part of a week in over-trousers whilst camping on the Llyn, saying that they would have to go on at some point anyway. It obviously wasn’t a hot sunny week – but I don’t remember many downpours – so it must have worked. Thank you both!
Eleri
Thank you for an excellent resume of Ed’s extremely useful advice. The approach also, of course, prevents people being caught – by other unknown walkers – with their trousers down. Always to be avoided.
Bryan
Cheeky!
Phil
An interesting exploration of a key topic. I recognise the suboptimal experiences described, but have been blessed with good fortune on this front ever since parting several years ago with £50 for a pair of berghaus overtrousers. I could have any colour I wanted so long as it was black, and in a highly acclaimed blog post – Wild camping: Top Tactics for Top Tacticians – I wrote as follows:
“waterproof leggings must not only deliver, and be as light as modern materials allow. They also need to slide with consummate ease over boots, gaiters and whatever else you wear south of the belt line. If a hassle to get on we procrastinate; especially in that fine misty rain Blighty specialises in, its ability to soak to the skin underrated till we’re soaked to the skin.
My pair are gaucho style for easy donning. Side zips, with press stud back-up, allow opening as high up the leg as decorum permits; ace for sun-rain, sun-rain days. They also roll up as shorts, though you wouldn’t want your mates catching you at it. Speaking of shorts, I almost always walk in them and often leave even my lightweight trou at home. But long pants aren’t just for warmth. Last summer in the fens I had to do half a mile on a barely used right of way overrun by nettles of Wyndhamesque menace. On with the nether rainwear and Rob’s your rel.
Cold is seldom an issue but, if needed, merino long johns under waterproof leggings morph into keks of Arctic calibre.”
Phil
Oops. Wrong URL given in previous comment. That one goes to a post on walking Hadrian’s Wall. Here’s the correct link. Apologies.
Bryan
Walker Phil, you have so put your boot on the key issue:
‘If a hassle to get on we procrastinate; especially in that fine misty rain Blighty specialises in, its ability to soak to the skin underrated till we’re soaked to the skin’.
I am very interested to hear that you appear to be living a stressless over-trouser existence – there will be many who envy you this – especially those of us who have shelled out that £50+ for berghaus overtrousers with leg length zips and still have to stumble about in a bit of a two and eight to get them on – or off!